Last Rant on Videogames: Oh, How the Mighty are Magic

What's this?!  A post from Tyler?  No way!

Yes, I've gotten off my lazy arse to ramble for a bit.  Really, not much of a change, but it's in text again!  Now, on to this week's subject.

It is not often that I am nostalgic for games of my youth, and it is rarer yet that I find that nostalgia validated upon further inspection.  Generally, games that I don't remember well but remember fondly tend to be a bit disappointing.  No surprise there, really.  However, there is one game that holds a special place in my heart that might be objectively terrible.  Alex likes it, too, though, so it must be at least enjoyable.

Those who know me occasionally are pitched the request to play what I refer to as Heroes.  Once upon a time, when I was but a lad of 12 or 13 (my lad-esque qualities were waning by this point), my dad brought home a computer for repair.  Stuck inside this computer's CD tray was a game I would later dump several hundred hours into.  The disc bore the rather grandiose image of a blue genie doin' his genie thing.  I wasn't sure what to think, but I was lucky in that I had a computer to run it.

I popped the disc into my tower, a stately HP in awkward ivory, and let it install.  To this day, it complains about not having DirectX 6 or so.  After a rather silly intro, which I thought was amazing at the time, the game begins with some of the best menu music ever.  It's bright, colorful, loud, and ostentatious.  I can't quite tell, even know, how serious they intended it to be, but they got a great combination regardless of intent.

Heroes of Might and Magic 3 is a game about all of generic fantasy being segregated into their logical divisions (because dwarves love golden dragons) at war with each other.  There's a story of some sort, I suppose.  The queen of Erathia, one of the long standing countries, finds itself beset by devils and troglodytes while the elves and wizard guys are reluctant to help because it's expensive.

That genie earlier?  He accidentally pledged himself for the life of his master to an immortal, who happens to be the ruler of the wizards.  Oops.

At any rate, lets get down to the meat of the game.  When you first start, you're often treated to piles of text boxes explaining the story behind the scenario.  These are useless, but mildly interesting on some of them.  The world map is a sprawling expanse of forests, oceans, subterranean caves, and volcanic wastelands.

You, brave general, have a guy on a horse.  This is an avatar of that person and their potentially enormous army.  You may consume your green bar next to the hero's portrait to move around.  Essentially, you wander around the map, collecting resources and production points while revealing the fog of war.  At times, you'll come across large structures that are home to your rivals.  Your own larger structures allow you to recruit various hordes of monsters to help defend your kingdom.  The goal, usually, is to take as many of these creatures from your home towns, give them to however many heroes you have recruited, and stomp the life out of your opponents.

Life stomping is actually pretty fun, if a bit... broken.  Monsters are divided neatly into tiers, ranging from 1 (imps, centaurs, guys with pikes) to 7 (angels, devils, dragons).  Every tier, barring some neutral units, also has an elite version, which may be obtained by taking them to a point on the map specializing in upgrading units, or, more easily, just building the appropriate structure at home.

The combat is turn-based on a hex grid.  Units of the same type may be stacked, and the limit on the stack is so absurdly high I've never found it.  You can have 1000 halberdiers all attacking a single archer if you wish.  A stack has a speed, mostly determined by the type of unit.  This speed not only determines turn order, but how many hexes that stack can move in a round.  Attacking almost always results in a counter-attack from each enemy stack as it is hit the first time.  This lends some strategy to the combat, as you must decide which of your units must take that first hit each round.  Because of this, though, the correct option, if you can manage it, is almost always overwhelming force.

Units can do some special stuff, too.  Some prevent counter-attacks.  Some, primarily dragons, can hit multiple enemy stacks.  Ranged units are exceptionally useful, especially when defending against a siege.  Ranged attackers have limited ammo, though you'll rarely encounter the limit, and do half damage to enemies farther than halfway across the combat map.  Sieges against towns encounter defenses which may be purchased, including moats, walls, and archer towers.

While I enjoy having waves of hydras wash over my enemies, the real power in this game, especially as your avatars gain levels, is magic.  Heroes are divided into two attribute trees.  Might heroes level more readily in attack power (affecting your stacks' combat prowess) and defense.  Magic heroes instead get (spell) power and knowledge, every point of which yields 10 more MP.  Spells range from allowing your stacks to do maximum damage (almost all units do a range of damage) to throwing AOE fireballs to resurrecting your own units.  Some utility spells, such as Town Portal, will allow you to move around the map or summon a boat so you can cross water.  A single well-placed lightning bolt can make up for lacking a stack of 7th level creatures, so it's often my preferred path.

Your heroes may, in addition to learning spells and gaining the aforementioned attributes, also learn various skills.  Old witches in huts will teach you some, and your hero's type will affect which ones they have an opportunity to learn upon gaining a new level.  Wisdom allows you to learn more complex spells, luck affects how often your stacks will strike critically, intelligence will grant more spell points.  There are a wide variety of abilities, though Expert Earth Magic/Town Portal is a tad gamebreaking on large maps.  The right trees depend on your play style, the map, and the number of heroes you've got mucking about.

Of course, some skills are stupid, and we say bad things about them.

Additionally, there are an assortment of artifacts laying about the map that may buff your attributes, render your units immune to certain spells, or grant you knowledge of certain abilities.  The right allocation of artifacts (read "all of them!") can guarantee your victory in many situations.

In your towns, you may spend the resources you gather to recruit monsters and, once per turn in each town, build a new structure.  Some have prerequisites, but they mostly provide the units specific to each town.  All towns, unless restricted by scenario, may build a Castle, the highest level of defensive structures available.  This becomes confusing given that one of the town types is also called Castle.  Yeah...

All the towns have some unique structures, but my favorite is one of the Rampart's (generic woodland stuff; the most Tolkein themed).  The Treasury gives you a 10% bonus to your gold at the start of a new week, which can be pretty useful if you horde it appropriately.

The different types of towns seem to be a bit unbalanced, with Castle and Rampart on the top, and Fortress/Stronghold (I consider them roughly tied) and Necropolis on the bottom.  While I enjoy playing as most of them, it hurts when your most powerful creatures are clearly inferior to the enemies'.  I haven't actually bothered to do the math on it, but I suspect someone has dissected this.  All the towns have a unique flavor though, and their own theme music when you're viewing them.

Speaking of music, the tracks in this game are amazing.  Some are appropriated from public commons stuff, but it's a symphonic wonder, each action accompanied by a fanfare regardless of its actual relevance.  It's fun to listen to, and gives some slight reinforcement for playing the game.

In all, it's a fun game, but it's pretty unbalanced, and has some FOO strategies that may actually be universally optimal.  It's not hard to find these days, and has a pretty substantial fan base despite its age.

Episode 55: Perfect Episode Title [Perfect Dark]

Deadly agents, deadly aliens, deadly weapons, killer music, Elvis; this game has it all.  Except that it was made in an era where dual-analog controllers weren't common.  And it doesn't have a plot.  Except when it does.  Where's the president again?



The Farsight can find our download through the wall of the Internet.


(01:00) The dangers of running a podcast when LoL exists.

(02:00) We talk about Catherine for a bit.  Not to spoil the ending too much, but this one's crazy.  It's a bit odd...

(06:00) Tyler talks about Catherine's karma mechanics, similar to some other game, that happens to be free.

(08:20) WindForge is pretty cool, but hard to look at.  The review, sadly, says it all.

(11:00) Because games, Zach talk about Titanfall.  Our general impression is positive.

(14:00) Geremy never played Goldeneye.  This is blasphemy for our generation.  For those who don't know, this week's game is the spiritual successor to it.

(17:30) Perfect Dark's story.  We don't even.

(21:00) Every weapon has an alternate fire.  Some are... less useful.

(23:40) The proper way to hold an N64 controller.

(27:30) When Good AI goes bad.

(30:45) Goldeneye and Perfect Dark as the progenitors of console-based multiplayer shooters.

(32:00) Our favorite guns, including the Reaper, Super Dragon, and Laptop Gun.

(34:30) Counter-op!

(41:00) That Frontalot song Geremy mentioned.

Next time on Last Time, Blaster Master!

We can tank, too!  Try it out by hitting us at

Geremy@lasttimeonvideogames.com,
 Tyler@lasttimeonvideogames.com,
 Zach@lasttimeonvideogames.com,
 or LTOVG@lasttimeonvideogames.com.
 You can also go to the show page at plus.google.com/+LastTimeOnVideogames or comment on the site at www.lasttimeonvideogames.com.
 Also, you can follow our tweets @LTOVG.

Episode 54: Watch Out For That Space Tree [Space Harrier]

Flying through space with the BFG from Doom sounds like a lot of fun. Unfortunately, vegetation just doesn't seem threatening enough to bother shooting, but you'll probably regret not doing so. Also, cyclopic mammoths. Because, you know, space.



Unlike this game's enemies, you can usually see our download.


(02:00) That Legolas is a pretty cool guy.

(03:30) Geremy's Sneaky Pete adventures.

(05:00) The secret to Broadway.

(08:20) Better names for American sports.

(09:00) Counterfeit Monkey allows you to modify the content of the game while playing.

(09:20) Nevermind: the game that freaks you out when you're freaked out.

(11:30) Geremy talks about A Link Between Worlds.  It has item rental, no ammo, and non-deterministic dungeon order.  Due to the rentals, most of the puzzles are simplistic because they can't guarantee which items you'll have.

(21:30) Zelda, Dynasty Warriors style.

(22:30) Potential PS3 games for Geremy to play.

(23:45) Resi 4 is a totally serious game, guys!

(28:00) Zach's LoL adventures.

(31:00) Also, the Wonder Trade challenge.

(33:30) To the Moon.  It's pretty sweet.

(35:00) We talk about the end of Arkham: Origins.  It's... lackluster.  The part with Bane (or Alfred) seems tacked on, especially with the same flashbacks.

(42:50) Zach's verdict on Space Harrier: "It's awful!"  I don't think anyone's disagreeing.

(43:30) Glitch dragon of yore.

(47:00) We try to decide whether we've played a worse game on the show.


Next time on Last Time, it's Perfect Dark!

Show some Farsight and hit us up at

Geremy@lasttimeonvideogames.com,
 Tyler@lasttimeonvideogames.com,
 Zach@lasttimeonvideogames.com,
 or LTOVG@lasttimeonvideogames.com.
 You can also go to the show page at plus.google.com/+LastTimeOnVideogames or comment on the site at www.lasttimeonvideogames.com.
 Also, you can follow our tweets @LTOVG.

New Twitch Channel

We're announcing the rocky start of LastTimeonVideogames, the Twitch channel about... videogames.  What else would it be about?  It's Twitch.

Anywho, Geremy has a capture card, so expect to see some streams and maybe some recorded videos.  Starting tonight, we're going to be testing out some equipment n' stuff, so check it out if you've got some time and want to listen to us rambling while playing videogames.

Episode 53: It's A Miracle This Game Was Made [Alex Kidd In Miracle World]

This week, we tackle the competitor to the original Super Mario Bros. on the Master System. Punch things, shoot fire waves, and ride motorcycle/bike objects to victory! By victory, I, of course, mean rice balls.



This download is much easier to reach if you can afford the right item at the mysterious shop.


No shownotes for you!


Next time on Last Time, Space Harrier!

Help us hunt down some crazed glitch dragons at

Geremy@lasttimeonvideogames.com,
 Tyler@lasttimeonvideogames.com,
 Zach@lasttimeonvideogames.com,
 or LTOVG@lasttimeonvideogames.com.
 You can also go to the show page at plus.google.com/+LastTimeOnVideogames or comment on the site at www.lasttimeonvideogames.com.
 Also, you can follow our tweets @LTOVG.

Episode 52: The Jokes Write Themselves [S. C. A. T.]

Get to the... spinny death laser things! Two agents, taking on an entire alien invasion force from a civilization with markedly more advanced technology? No problem; we've got the 80s on our side!



Press A to lock your download in place!

Show Notes

(01:00) Would you believe it's been one entire year of regular episodes?  We reminisce a bit.

(04:30) Colosseum, the game where it's finally acceptable to steal Pokemon.  Also, Rosalina.

(05:30) We kvetch about Arkham: Origins a bit.  We're not the only ones with that opinion, though.

(06:30) Starwhal's in Early Access on Steam!  Tyler rambles about the changes from the demo so far.

(09:30) Talking about League, we mention a recent study about Internet trolls.

(11:45) Be careful where you tread; it's worth watching, though.

(13:00) This is a thing, and it makes me happy.

(15:00) Geremy talks about the current gen Pokemon trading system.

(18:00) Titanfall looks pretty good if you're into shooters and mechs.

(22:00) Start Citizen's dogfighting is coming "soon."

(23:30) Teenage mutant... hero... turtles?

(24:30) S.C.A.T. has voices in spots and is a shooter.

(26:10) Stop! It's sexy time!

(27:30) Rotating satellites are pretty awesome in shooters.

(34:00) Feedback is really important, and this game lacks it a bit.


Next time on Last Time, Alex Kidd in Miracle World!

Find some rice balls with us at

Geremy@lasttimeonvideogames.com,
 Tyler@lasttimeonvideogames.com,
 Zach@lasttimeonvideogames.com,
 or LTOVG@lasttimeonvideogames.com.
 You can also go to the show page at plus.google.com/+LastTimeOnVideogames or comment on the site at www.lasttimeonvideogames.com.
 Also, you can follow our tweets @LTOVG.